i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
