my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
