You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Boobs speak an international language.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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