Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
