Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
