she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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