Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
