What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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