It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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