Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
