It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
