Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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