need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
