Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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