singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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