I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
