never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
