I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dear god my vagina.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
