Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you win again, gameday.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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