I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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