I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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