come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Terrible idea I love it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
