I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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