So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
