All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
