just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i will never coherently bang her
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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