please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
