Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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