wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
