If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
