This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
