God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
