...so i touched it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
