I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
