and she was petting her beer can
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
