Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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