there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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