i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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