The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
