Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
