and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
