U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
