I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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