Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
