My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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