I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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