answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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