Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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