i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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