I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
