Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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