I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
