im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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