Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
